


Too Late

by wordyanansi



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellarke, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-03-03 00:21:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2831312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordyanansi/pseuds/wordyanansi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after Spacewalker, Clarke accepts Lexa's offer for peace, including the condition that she joins the grounders.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Late

Bellamy hadn’t exactly planned what he was going to say, but he figured that Clarke had to have known that someone would tell him what she was doing. They were meant to be a team, and he had thought that still stood. Even though things had changed. Even though she’d changed. When Monty had found him this afternoon and said that Clarke was leaving tonight, it was all he could do not to storm Camp Jaha searching for her. But Octavia and Lincoln had cautioned him against starting a screaming match in the middle of the camp. Things were different now, they reminded him. Someone was always reminding him. At least the guard respected him more now, listened to him. But most of the Ark survivors still looked at them like child convicts, not as survivors. And certainly not at him, or even Clarke, as leaders. But they were. Or at least, they used to be. Together. But apparently not anymore.  
It wasn’t like they didn’t make decisions without each other sometimes, especially in the beginning. But these days they rarely disagreed. And they always understood each other. But since she had… since Finn, she’d been different. He found himself remember the way she had helped Atom, singing to him softly, remembered her kissing Finn, holding him. There was a strength to her that he didn’t know that he’d ever find. But he didn’t need to, not when she was there. Division of labour. He smirked in the night before remembering himself. Remembering what she was doing. He didn’t understand what had happened to them that she wouldn’t have consulted him about this. And he couldn’t understand what she was thinking. Did she really think he’d let her go so easily? But then, maybe that was why she didn’t tell him. It wasn’t good enough. They were better than this, her words echoed in his head in a way no one else’s did and he wondered if it would ever stop.  
“Did you really think I wouldn’t find out?” Bellamy’s voice was tighter than he’d wanted it to be. He had, vaguely, planned to greet her. But he found he couldn’t keep a lid on his emotions and his anger bubbled close to the surface.  
Clarke was startled by the unexpected voice as she walked quietly across the ground from the satellite to the wall. She paused, and in the dim light offered by the stars, she saw him leaning up against the fence, by the very hole she had been planning to exit by, arms folded. She couldn’t read his expression (when could she ever?). Immediately, she was defensive, and she narrowed her eyes. It had been weeks since he’d sought her out, not since the 47… 45 had been reclaimed from Mount Weather. And yet, here was Bellamy Blake, in the middle of the night, in her way. What was he doing here? Who told him? Questions raced through her mind but she quieted them, a valuable skill since she had arrived on Earth.  
“I kind of thought my absence might be noticeable, and you’re a smart boy, you’d have figured it out,” she replied with a shrug. She knew she was being difficult and she knew it was to try and start a fight so it would be easier to go. Clarke didn’t want him there, not now. Part of her whispered that it was because he was the only one that could stop her, but she knew that this was the right thing to do and she didn’t want it made any harder with goodbyes.  
“And, what? We wouldn’t walk ourselves into a massacre trying to rescue our princess healer?” he retorted, indignation clear in his tone. He needed to calm down, but he couldn’t. He had meant to ask her rational questions, like she always asked him. Instead he was fighting her, again. Clarke sighed.  
“I left a note. And the others are here now. You have my mother, and others. Better healers than me,” Clarke replied. “It’s not like it was, it won’t condemn you all to death. Nor me.” She took two steps forward towards the exit, towards him, head down. She wouldn’t look at him, couldn’t. Please go away, she wanted to say. She nearly whispered it. Didn’t he understand how hard this was without him being here? With him here it was nearly impossible.  
Bellamy pushed himself off the wall using his shoulders, his jaw working quietly. He reached out towards her shoulders, clasping them, stopping her from moving forward. He had to make her see, make her understand that this wasn’t right. But he wasn’t used to being the voice of reason yet.  
“This isn’t us. This isn’t how we do things, Clarke,” he said quietly, urgently. Clarke looked up, raising her face to stare into his. Her eyes caught his and he wondered if he would be able to let her go, if he couldn’t talk her out of this, would he be able to just let her slip through the wall and into the night?  
“This is the best way, Bellamy. It is a generous offer from Lexa. I go and heal the reapers in the commander’s camp, I live among their people, and I don’t get punished for what I did to Finn. And I still get to see you all sometimes,” Clarke explained. “It is a good plan. And my safety has been… planned for.” She finished lamely, not willing yet to explain that part of the deal. Still not wanting to think about that part of the deal. She wished she could make a joke with him about being a princess, about what princesses were good for, but she silenced it, couldn’t bear to think of herself as a bartering chip while being all too aware that it is what she had become.  
Bellamy worked his jaw again. She wasn’t telling him everything and he knew it. And that meant it was really bad. Because she never shied away from telling him the facts and consequences before. Did she really think that she had no worth beyond healing people? That her leadership wasn’t worth anything? That her advocacy for them with the Ark survivors wasn’t the thing that kept them from being treated as stupid kids? She was… she was… he struggled to find words all of a sudden that would make sense, that would be about everyone, that wouldn’t give him away. But all it did was force it to the surface, bubbling up and out.  
“And what about me?” he asked. “The rest of the 100? You’re our bridge, Clarke. We’ll just be kids again to them.” Clarke swallowed and tried to smile. She couldn’t quite bring herself to make it happen. She knew he was right about being a bridge. She’d done all she could. She tried to ignore his first words, make them fade back against the past weeks when she’d not seen him for days at a time, tried to frame the against the way he was being treated as part of the guard. She tried not to think about the way that he’d held her the day they were reunited, and tried not to think about the look in his eyes when he’d told she’d done the right thing as Raven flew into a rage and he held her back. She looked away from him. She didn’t want to see his eyes anymore.  
“I hope… I left a letter. Explaining things for my mother. I think it will be enough,” she said softly. But it wouldn’t be enough, she thought to herself. It wouldn’t be enough but it would have to do. She took a deep breath, steadying herself. She stepped away from Bellamy, forcing him to let go of her shoulders. “It’s not easy,” she reminded him,” being a leader.” He narrowed his eyes then.  
“What have you done?” he asked suddenly. Clarke couldn’t meet his eyes and he struggled not to grab her again, forcing his hands to stay by his side. He repeated the words over and over again in his head, trying to contain his body, his anger.  
“I have ensured the safety of our people, at minimal cost,” she managed, raising her chin almost proudly as she met his gaze again. She was making it sound like an easier decision than it had been. But, she reminded herself her mother was chancellor, and she would be fine and busy. And Raven hated her now. Octavia and Lincoln were working things out. The 45 were back from Mt Weather. Finn was dead. Finn was dead. And Bellamy was here, standing in front of her and she wished he wasn’t. After wishing he was there for the past few weeks, he appears, and she wishes him away. She wants to ask where he was, and how he could leave her like that, but it would sound like they were in a relationship when really all they were was a leadership alliance that was no longer required. She’d relied on him, on his strength, his wisdom, the way people followed him, on the way that when they talked about something they always got to the heart of the matter. Then, she reminded herself, if he was there, she would never have had the strength to make this decision.  
“You are not minimal cost, princess,” he said, forcing the words out low and quiet, almost a growl. He was still fighting for control. Minimal cost. He wanted to hit her, but somehow didn’t think that would get the right message across. Shake her maybe. Clarke had started at his words, and the passion behind them, and frowned. He wanted to shake her again, how could she not understand that she was the best of them?  
“I’m not as valuable as I was,” she reminded him. Like she actually believed it. He snorted. Ridiculous.  
“To who? To who are you less valuable? Because it sure isn’t to me. Please Clarke, there has to be a better way, and we’ll find it together, we always do” he replied, frustration marring his tone. Why couldn’t he make her see?  
“Oh, valuable to you. That’s why you’ve barely looked at me since Finn? That’s why I haven’t seen you in a week? Just… Bellamy, you’ll be fine. Stay with O and Lincoln. Help them. And I’ll… do what I can from the grounders camp,” she said, calming herself in the end. It wasn’t worth it. She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I have to go. Nyko is waiting.” Bellamy stepped into her path as she tried to leave again.  
“Nyko? But he’s a healer. He’s not an escort service. At least let me go with you and-,” Bellamy tried. Clarke put her hand on his chest and pushed him back. This had to stop.  
“Enough!” she said cutting him off. She looked up at him and she knew then that the only way to make him leave was to tell him. To tell him the thing she didn’t want to tell herself, the thing she whispered quietly to herself did not really matter, forcing out any other futures viciously, and not thinking of the men who had loved her and died, of Wells and Finn. Maybe it really was better this way… if she said it enough she almost believed it. She looked up at him, swallowing down on the emotion and steeling herself.  
“According to Grounder customs, if you speak against my betrothed, I must punish you. Do not say another word against Nyko or I will have to take action,” she said in the tone of voice that brooked no argument. The tone she had used when he wanted to torture and kill Lincoln. The tone she had used when she was right and there was no arguing. But this time, Bellamy wasn’t convinced.  
“Betrothed? Clarke, you can’t possibly mean that you… that… you… love him?” he managed quietly. He felt sick, suddenly. Clarke took a steadying breath before continuing.  
“It is part of the arrangement, for my safety. It doesn’t matter if I love him. He will be a good match. He’s a good healer, and will help my work. He’s kind and he won’t-,” Clarke tried to explain. He wouldn’t hear it.  
“Shut up!” Bellamy shouted, cutting her off. “I can’t believe you of all people are actually serious about this, Clarke. He’s twice your age!”  
“Well it’s not like I have anyone here pining for me, is it? And given the last two boys to love me were murdered, one of them by me, I really don’t think I’m an attractive prospect anymore,” Clarke fumed back at him. “And after weeks of avoiding me I hardly think you have the right to-,” she continued, shoving him in the chest. He grabbed her hand and held it tightly.  
“I haven’t been avoiding you,” he said suddenly. “I’ve been… waiting.” Clarke looked at him, the venom was out of his voice and his face was soft, the angles seeming to curve. He wanted to stop himself. He didn’t want to stop himself. He couldn’t stop himself.  
“Waiting for what?” she asked. She tried to keep the sarcasm out of her voice, still furious, still needing to leave.  
“Until you were ready,” he said simply. “I didn’t want to… I’ve never been far, Clarke, if you needed anything, I would have been there. But you never do. You just killed Finn and you shut me out when I… And then we had to rescue the others. And it didn’t seem fair to… It wasn’t right.” She jerked her hand away from him.  
“I needed you,” she replied, trying to keep the tears out and the venom in. Trying to stay mad instead of broken. “But you weren’t there. And now… now it’s too late.” She moved to step around him, but he was faster, enveloping her in his arms. Just like he did when they found each other again at the gate. Her arms encircled his waist and she rested her face on his shoulder. She tried not to cry. But it was futile. Her emotions raged around her and all the thoughts she’d been trying to shove down over the past month had surfaced, forcing their way through her tear ducts. She swallowed hard and felt a dampness on her shoulder from Bellamy’s eyes too. Slowly, heartbreakingly, she pulled back.  
“It’s too late?” he asked softly. He knew the answer. He needed her to say it. She bit her lip and nodded.  
“The bargain has been struck,” she replied.  
“We don’t normally give in,” he tried. And for a moment she wondered if he meant to their feelings or to the grounders. Either way, it didn’t matter. Or at least, that was what she told herself.  
“No, we don’t,” she replied. “But at the time it was easier than staying here where he used to be and where you were ignoring me. And it saves my life and the lives of others. I’ll see you again.” Bellamy shook his head.  
“Do you think that’s enough?” he asked. He looked at her intensely and she wanted to be folded back into his arms. But it wouldn’t help anything. Weakness, she reminded herself. She was to be a grounder. Weakness was tantamount to death.  
“I don’t know,” she replied. “But it’s going to have to be.” She moved around him, faster this time, trying to dart out through the fence, but he is faster, always, catching her around the waist pulling her back, spinning her in to him, forcing his mouth down on his. And she is there, kissing him in the starlight for the first, for the last time. She kisses him back. And the kiss moved slowly from passion, to longing, to sadness.  
Bellamy whispered into her check as the kiss ended, “I love you.” Clarke nodded.  
“I love you too,” she whispered, wishing she wouldn’t remember Finn at that moment, with those words. “Bye Bellamy,” she said after a moment, and she was gone before he could react.  
Bellamy Blake stood in the dark, staring at the hole in the fence and wondering if this empty pit in his stomach was ever going to go away. “Be safe, princess,” he whispered, even though he knew she would not, could not hear him.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written ff in years... but I am so sold on bellarke it's awful. Let me know what you think.


End file.
